Faithfuel

For those of you who are regulars to my blog, you have undoubtedly been wondering about a question I never fully explored in my first post.

Question: “Can a rocket be fueled by Faith alone?”

My answer: “Yes, but not for the reasons you think.”

Since the Space Pope blog went live, I’ve been fielding several guesses from amateur theologians/physicists/pastry chefs (there was this one guy in Ohio…). Most of them cite Hanukkah and the whole miracle oil thing, where one day’s oil lasted for eight. First off, I would remind you people that I’m a Pope, and as such I can’t really attest to the relationship between weapons grade accelerants and Judaism. That being said, I can pretty safely say that’s not it.

I’ve also heard a couple of people suggest that I’m talking about some kind of metaphorical rocket, in which the rocket stands for humanity and Faith is the driving force behind our propulsion towards salvation. Again, clever, but no.

Truth is, this puzzler may have been a bit too biased towards those among you whom are more traveled… particularly in the Scutum-Crux Arm of the Milky Way. If you’ve swung by the outermost tip, you’ve surely heard of the Bartzonians, a race of creatures whose daily emotions are manifested into physical form and excreted through various orifices. It sounds graphic, and it is. Still, almost all of these emotions serve a purpose in their society, and it just so happens that the substance produced by the Faithful is their rocket fuel of choice. In a pinch, you could also use “Lust,” though as a Pope, I would advise you to steer clear.

If you’re still feeling curious about the Bartzonians, I would suggest checking out their Periodic Table of the Elements. Better yet, fuel up your rocket and head out for a first-person account! Though I would probably stay away from “Smug.” They use it as a hair conditioner, but, at best, it would melt your skin.

Don't Try This At Home

Perhaps I should have clarified a few things when I started this blog. Please, do NOT try space travel unless you have the technological means to do so. One reader recently sent me a video of his first “take off,” and now I feel slightly responsible.

While I can’t say I know much about these “pocket rockets,” I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty that they are not equipped for intergalactic travel. Judging the by that horrible sound, they contain some sort of primitive motor, using who-knows what kind of fuel, which will never provide the necessary thrust to break through the ozone layer. And don’t even get me started on the inadequacies of that space helmet (stylish as it may be).

If you’re really interested in building your own space ship, I suggest heading down to your planet’s local Department of Orbiting Vehicles. They should have some pamphlets available with all the information you’ll need.

All I Am Saying Is Give Reason A Chance

Okay, so the launch of my blog hasn’t gone quite as I have planned. I’ve received a lot of messages along the lines of “space travel sux [sic],” or, “lolz, ur ponytail lukz lik a fishtail in a fishbowl in ur helmut! [lol, sic]” or “I’LL DEFEAT YOU YET, SPACE POPE, MARK MY WORDS I’LL DEFEAT YOU YET!”

As Pope of one of the more liberal branches of Catholicism, I’ve pledged to be tolerant of other people’s beliefs. Of course, that comes with the great Space Catholicism Paradox, where it’s quite hard to be accepting of those who aren’t very accepting of you at all. Not to be confused with the great Space Catholicism Riddle, but that’s something you shouldn’t concern yourself with. I’ve already said too much.

Speaking of saying too much, my point is that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you should at least present your argument in a clear manner, respectful of other points of view… Space Catholicism isn’t all that good with sayings.

Now that all that’s out of the way, I can’t wait to get started with some serious discussions!

Welcome, Welcome

Hey all you Web 2.0 users (technically you’re all on version 2.3.2, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise of what comes next). Welcome to my brand new blog! Feel free to ignore Birthday Pope's little joke below, especially the part about squeezing me.

So, what exactly does Space Pope put on her blog, you ask? Well, despite the massive amount of religious discussion on the Internet, I wasn’t able to find any information about the relationship between Catholicism and rocket fuel. So I’ve decided to combine the best of both worlds here on the official Space Pope blog!

Over the coming weeks, I’ll be throwing in my two cents on issues that I’ve noticed have popping up across the inter-stellar junction points. Is hydrogen-based jetpack fuel the superior choice given the recent ultra-carbon limited combustibility controversy? (No.) When is the least sacrilegious time to orbit Galactus Protozimpazium? (Between the First Gargomalian Solar Eclipse and Boxing Day.) Can a rocket be fueled by faith alone? (Yes, but not for the reasons you think—keep up with the blog.)

So remember, whether you have a question about Catholicism or rocket fuel, Space Pope is here to help!

My First Post

Attention Eveybody!

I am the Pope from the cosmic galaxies! I am the Stork colliding electrons into high-energy-state babies! I am the Big Bad Wolf blowing planets down! Quake in your boots to behold me, you are all lumpy sacks of grain full of unwelcomed opposums!

My helmet fits really tight so I can't get air to breathe and that makes me need the Heimlich Maneuver 24/7. So if you see me anywhere, give me a giant squeeze! It's just what I want!

I, Space Pope, am giving away all my things, so anybody who wants to play with my moon-launching trebuchet, or my trebuchet-firing minicannon, just go ahead and use them without permission.

- - Space Pope