I recently found out about a certain accepted practice down on Earth that has me a bit confused. Apparently, gazing at the stars is considered romantic.
Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t see what’s so romantic about burning balls of gas. Do you take your dates down to your boiler room to look at your hot water heaters too? I’d like to assume no, but then again, I’m still trying to figure a lot of this stuff out.
In fact, it seems that there’s a lot of misunderstandings about stars in general. Take for instance, “The Lion King,” where the filmmakers would have us believe that stars are actually the kings of the past sent to watch over us. Putting aside my doubt that those in power through a monarchy system have the best interests of the general population in mind, the whole thing is just totally bunk. With the rare exception of Fangledorf the Fabulous and Flabby, whose layers of fat caused him to burn for over 500 years after being ceremoniously launched into space on his 47th birthday, no king has ever become a star.
Perhaps it’s just a problem with the media. If only Hollywood would stop featuring scenes with Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts gazing up into the sky, there wouldn’t be a problem (I’ve never been swayed, though I’ve seen Ape Pope get misty eyed at times). In the future, these movie types should pick a more appropriate butterfly-in-the-stomach inducing scene, like that of a Cape Canaveral Launch. Now THAT’S romance!
And don’t even get me started on sunsets…
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Road Trip, Anyone?
Hey there Rocket enthusiasts! While I’ve had my fair share of disagreements with, “trolls,” on the world wide web, I’d like to talk about something that surely everyone can agree on: Road Trips!
Yes, it seems everyone enjoys a good road trip now and then. See the sights, taste the food, feel the atmospheric pressure change as your relation to sea-level alters. But road trips, whether ground-based or interstellar-oriented, often bring about several common, but easily avoidable social faux pas.
First off, leave that big gulp at home. Nobody likes to pull over every 15 minutes because somebody decided to have 3 cups of coffee (or buzemble juice) that morning. It may not be a problem if your space ship comes equipped with a Compact By-Product Removal Unit, but for those of us who like to travel light, it’s a pain to be asked to pull over when there’s nothing but suns for lightyears in any direction.
Also, just because you’re not at the controls doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help out with supplies for your journey. You know what they say, “gas, food-stuffs, or breathable air… nobody rides for free!” I’ve heard the crude Earth version of this saying, and while its rhyme scheme is more traditional, two out of three of the suggested forms of compensation are frowned upon by the Church.
That just about covers the major issues… sure you might leave your friends miffed by your radio-karaoke sessions, or you might have some disagreements over whether to leave the pod-bay doors open or closed, but that’s all part of the experience. So hit the road, space fans! If you’re heading towards the Mulglupta Nebula next weekend, we just might cross paths (that is, if Chocolate Pope doesn’t lose the map again).
Yes, it seems everyone enjoys a good road trip now and then. See the sights, taste the food, feel the atmospheric pressure change as your relation to sea-level alters. But road trips, whether ground-based or interstellar-oriented, often bring about several common, but easily avoidable social faux pas.
First off, leave that big gulp at home. Nobody likes to pull over every 15 minutes because somebody decided to have 3 cups of coffee (or buzemble juice) that morning. It may not be a problem if your space ship comes equipped with a Compact By-Product Removal Unit, but for those of us who like to travel light, it’s a pain to be asked to pull over when there’s nothing but suns for lightyears in any direction.
Also, just because you’re not at the controls doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help out with supplies for your journey. You know what they say, “gas, food-stuffs, or breathable air… nobody rides for free!” I’ve heard the crude Earth version of this saying, and while its rhyme scheme is more traditional, two out of three of the suggested forms of compensation are frowned upon by the Church.
That just about covers the major issues… sure you might leave your friends miffed by your radio-karaoke sessions, or you might have some disagreements over whether to leave the pod-bay doors open or closed, but that’s all part of the experience. So hit the road, space fans! If you’re heading towards the Mulglupta Nebula next weekend, we just might cross paths (that is, if Chocolate Pope doesn’t lose the map again).
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
History Lesson Time!
I’ve been browsing through Earth’s official public record of knowledge, and I’ve come across a few gems like this… “The highest specific impulse chemistry ever test-fired in a rocket engine was lithium and fluorine, with hydrogen added to improve the exhaust thermodynamics (making this a tripropellant)[1].”
While it’s all well and good to quote nursery rhymes, for those looking for a more detailed account of the history of rocket fuel, perhaps I can help. Apparently, when Earth people think about rocket fuel, they jump to images of NASA, Sputnik, or some commercially available liquid called, “Everclear.” The first known rocket fuel, however, was discovered a whopping 400,000 years ago by Simon Gardelglan of the Septupian Nebula. Like most great inventors, he was just a lone multi-cellular organism with a dream: to find a confectionary alternative to ice cream cake at birthday parties.
Despite the accusations of heresy and constant questioning of why he didn’t just eat pie, Simon toiled on. While he never did find another suitable birthday pastry (perhaps we never will), Simon did tragically discover the first practical rocket fuel when one of his experiment projects, “dazzle apricots,” caught fire and launched his basement workshop into the stratosphere.
Every year, we now commemorate Simon’s sacrifice to the field of rocketry by lighting his most hated desert ablaze. I’ve seen this ritual on Earth as well, accompanied by some strange song, but I have the feeling something’s been lost in translation.
That’s all for today! I hope you’re all a little more informed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to conduct a few experiment of my own with this “Everclear” that everyone’s talking about.
While it’s all well and good to quote nursery rhymes, for those looking for a more detailed account of the history of rocket fuel, perhaps I can help. Apparently, when Earth people think about rocket fuel, they jump to images of NASA, Sputnik, or some commercially available liquid called, “Everclear.” The first known rocket fuel, however, was discovered a whopping 400,000 years ago by Simon Gardelglan of the Septupian Nebula. Like most great inventors, he was just a lone multi-cellular organism with a dream: to find a confectionary alternative to ice cream cake at birthday parties.
Despite the accusations of heresy and constant questioning of why he didn’t just eat pie, Simon toiled on. While he never did find another suitable birthday pastry (perhaps we never will), Simon did tragically discover the first practical rocket fuel when one of his experiment projects, “dazzle apricots,” caught fire and launched his basement workshop into the stratosphere.
Every year, we now commemorate Simon’s sacrifice to the field of rocketry by lighting his most hated desert ablaze. I’ve seen this ritual on Earth as well, accompanied by some strange song, but I have the feeling something’s been lost in translation.
That’s all for today! I hope you’re all a little more informed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to conduct a few experiment of my own with this “Everclear” that everyone’s talking about.
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