I’ve been browsing through Earth’s official public record of knowledge, and I’ve come across a few gems like this… “The highest specific impulse chemistry ever test-fired in a rocket engine was lithium and fluorine, with hydrogen added to improve the exhaust thermodynamics (making this a tripropellant)[1].”
While it’s all well and good to quote nursery rhymes, for those looking for a more detailed account of the history of rocket fuel, perhaps I can help. Apparently, when Earth people think about rocket fuel, they jump to images of NASA, Sputnik, or some commercially available liquid called, “Everclear.” The first known rocket fuel, however, was discovered a whopping 400,000 years ago by Simon Gardelglan of the Septupian Nebula. Like most great inventors, he was just a lone multi-cellular organism with a dream: to find a confectionary alternative to ice cream cake at birthday parties.
Despite the accusations of heresy and constant questioning of why he didn’t just eat pie, Simon toiled on. While he never did find another suitable birthday pastry (perhaps we never will), Simon did tragically discover the first practical rocket fuel when one of his experiment projects, “dazzle apricots,” caught fire and launched his basement workshop into the stratosphere.
Every year, we now commemorate Simon’s sacrifice to the field of rocketry by lighting his most hated desert ablaze. I’ve seen this ritual on Earth as well, accompanied by some strange song, but I have the feeling something’s been lost in translation.
That’s all for today! I hope you’re all a little more informed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to conduct a few experiment of my own with this “Everclear” that everyone’s talking about.
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